Let the Games Begin... With the Not-ley Crew

First off, let me apologize for not writing about last week's auditions. To be honest I had many chances to discuss various moments in both shows last week, but all in all, nothing stood out enough aside from 3 Chippettes on roller skates to keep my attention for all that long. Well, to be fair, there WAS one highlight -- the Janis Joplin look-alike biker chick who can undoubtedly break me with her pinky toe on a bad day. Her name was Tami, and I loved the original vibe that came through her. It was old school, it was nouveau rock-inspired smoky shit, and I want to hear that voice on a record sometime. But, as luck would have it, SPR once again made shitty (and I mean SHITTY) decisions come Hollywood week, and now I have to pretend to care about randomites like AJ Tabaldo (what?) and Leslie Hunt (I say what???). Damn it. As the biggest fan of this great reality show, I must come clean and say I was astonished by some of their final 24 picks, and now have to live with the fact that I think a lot of good ones got away from us this time. Not to mention the somewhat unsettling fact that there isn't one person who has so much talent and glow about them that I'm cheering for them all the way through. Then again, it wasn't until my hubby E-Double (that's short for Yamin if you know what I mean) sang on week 2 of voting last year that I realized what beautiful singin' chillin' he and I were going to have. There are some great singers in the pack, as always, but no standouts, no "WOW!"s, no "y'know... s/he's really really original and I'm feelin' that vibe". There's just good, great, and painfully underaverage and only there because they're good looking or have an Indian sister that we're supposed to follow throughout the show because he got through and she didn't. Me no likey. Me not likey one bit.

But, instead of sitting here and wondering 1) why the hell were they jonesing on the cute chic on rollerskates last week?, or 2) where the HELL DID JENRI GO!?!?!??!?! (I bet he backed out before going to Hollywood, bc if you noticed, they never show one clip of the boy), or 3) why does SPR continue to disappoint in the decision chairs when it comes to crunch time... I'll stick to analyzing the pickins we've been left to cheer for, and why some may make my nights worthwhile. Did I mention them pickins are slim? No Frenchies, no Fantasias, no George Huffs, Daughtrys, or the like. No ORIGINALS. And no, dear Blake, beat-boxing doth not make thee original in a singing competition. Believe it or not, most dudes can beatbox like you, and some even manage to do it without looking like they fell in a tub of N'Sync's mousse.

Ugh. But we must make good with what we have -- as the sages always say "Who is wise? He who is content with his lot." Never before have I had to grin and bear the truth of that statement as far as AI goes like this year. But I'm 6 years strong and counting, so I'm gonna be happy with my mainly uninspiring lot.

And so, on with some analysis:

As I said before, I know Alaina Alexander -- she and I share producers and crews of people out in LA. Therefore, for personal reasons, I'm happy for her success. But, now that I've gotten the niceties out of the way, I can say what I'd really say if I didn't happen to know the girl and how hard she's been trying to get major label attention (like so many of us) over the years. It is APPALLING that SPR chose her over so many other good singers we heard on last night's show. I was hoping that despite her weak first audition clip, she would show and prove in the Hollywood rounds to earn a spot in the 24. Sadly, she sounded even more amateur than last time we heard her, and I truly felt that something was UP when SPR decided to move her into the final pack. Not only did her rendition of Mariah's rendition of Badfinger's "Without You" sound like karaoke, it sounded like *bad* karaoke. It just wasn't. I'm sorry honey, this isn't gonna cut it. And as AI continues to congratulate the less-talented pretty, the more my patience begins to wane.

In that vein, the same goes for this chick. But what's crazy is that she's not only prettier than AA (from the right angles), but may even be a better singer (maybe). The fact that the difference could very well be negligible does not bode well for either of these little ladies. I'll be tired within 2-3 weeks. If I have to continue to discuss this beyond 6 weeks, I'll be comatose. It also doesn't help that her contestant pic makes her look like a schoolteacher. Or a Crest Whitening Strips girl. Either way, that's not the move when your sole move on being on the show is being hot.

On a more positive note, I do think that Chris may be an unexpected front-runner in this competition. We haven't heard much from him, but he's got star written all over him. My prediction before anyone else says it: I think this kid may break through in a very real way once shit starts to heat up. Watch this space. (To which I say gladly, not only bc he looks EXACTLY like an ex of mine, but also bc he's talented and adorable. He'll do when late night memories of Jenri fade away.)

Yes boy. You're gonna kill it a few times and back again. So will your equally lovely backup singer yin-to-your-yang Melinda. Can't wait to see these 2 rip it up and slap it silly.

That said, the crowing vocal achievements this year will most likely be offered by Miss Lakisha Jones. I want her in my life both on stage and off. She just shines and actually sings like nobody's God damn biznatch. Please give me hope sista girl. I wanna cry and jump up and down at least 3 times this season. If you can make me do it more than that, I'll officially reconsider my babymaking offer currently on the table for Mr. Yamin. Sundance may also give us hope, if he pulls it together a lot better than he did in Hollywood. I'm still a big fan, but it's too early to know whether he'll get the job done like I know he can.

As for Rudy, I literally thought NOTHING OF HIM in first-round auditions, but when they showed him singing the SHIT out of his solo in Hollywood last night, I almost grew wings. If the boy has chops like that all the way through this competition, he will shine brightly. I was floored last night by what he was able to do (especially with his high tenor falsettos and control).. but is he one of those hit-or-miss type guys? Wouldn't be surprised if he were. As for now, however, I'm warm to him and wish him very good luck (for selfish reasons, of course).

The others are a bunch of "why you?"'s, or Football Stars' daughters (16-year-old Sparks), or Sanjayahs who have a cute exterior and nothing much in the way of vocal depth, originality, or power. I'm happy to see their love for Mr. Kim, as there has long been a dearth of Asian successes on the show (and no, William Hung does *not* count). Chris Sligh is deadpan funny, and probably watched enough Simpsons episodes to think it a good idea to borrow Sideshow Bob's bob, but personality will NOT get him all the way there. Not even close. He better come to play on stage, or his Family Guy cracks are going to make it that much easier to say "Awww, he seems like a nice guy" when Ryan whisks his ass away from the competition.

Should be interesting!!! Place your bets? For now, I'm going to look forward to my choice few and try to forget the disappointments in this latest cast of characters. The one silver lining in all this, though, is that America finally has some remote control -- so SPR can stop shitting all over my experience. Food for thought: who cuts 17-year-old diva Tatiana and keeps the Barbie dolls in this year's 24? Who? Why? When?

In 2007 apparently -- when "My Humps" wins Grammys and mediocre has become the new "hot shit". Nothin' we can do people! So let's stay intent on staying content this run through.