My Eyes Hath Seen The Coming of the Lord...

...And He tells me I might be a pedophile. Only because a 16-year-old male contestant named Jenri will soon become a fathead.com-sized poster on my bedroom wall. Better yet, when I wasn't trying to understand how in God's name someone who looks like that isn't even legal, I also realized that he can actually carry a tune. Yes. Yes. YES to Hollywood. My God, if Kelly Pickler and Brett "Ace" Young can stay in the competition for as long as they did last year solely on the grounds of being semi-attractive, Jenri had better be there for at least as long. Plus he's adopted???? *Tear* Loving it.

But, on the topic of good looks, I feel it's time to let opinions fly instead of mere recaps like so many other blogs do. The situation we have here is a tough one, albeit nothing new. Here's a little secret about A.I. in case you haven't been watching regularly: Simon loves attractive people more than he loves good talent. Conversely, Simon hates unattractive people more than he hates mediocre singing. And I'm sad to say that this trend has gone to rather unacceptable levels in Season 6.

Take the girl who gave us her sob story about Daddy not approving of her dreams to be a singer. Lemme tell you something, had she not been spreading her pity party all over national television, she likely wouldn't have been given the nod to Hollywood. What, we're supposed to think that she's the ONLY girl on the planet whose parents aren't 100% supportive of her dreams to be a starving artist living out of suitcases just trying to make a buck? Man, if every contestant on the show was asked to speak on the trials and tribulations of finding support from powers that be to pursue their musical dreams, then everyone would get the go-ahead to Hollywood for tear-jerking factors alone (and Kleenex would make a killing at that). I for one, DO NOT buy into your "Daddy don't love me" hooey that this chick used, coupled with a cute enough face to get to Hollywood. Your story isn't original honey, it's just sentimental and overly played-up. No, you DON'T deserve to go to Hollywood based on talent alone.. and I don't appreciate watching the judges coddle a cute/sick puppy who has taken someone more deserving's spot. Boo.

Continuing on the topic of looks before talent, we move to the Barbie Doll "best friends" who once again use sleight of body to make us forget that they actually suck. Let's not even discuss their heinous attempt at a duet. But even their individual efforts left so much to be desired I almost threw something at the television. First girl - you are kinda the definition of mediocre when it comes to singing. No really, I looked it up this morning and they've uploaded your picture next to the definition -- I appreciated that. And your friend, albeit a stunner, is not much better than you. And while I'm not a math genius by any stretch, I do know that not much better than mediocre still equals lame. There are SO MANY singers, or, I should say, vocalists -- who have a craft and who I am certain brought it through those doors moreso than the bombshells of NYC. But once again, we see pretty over pipes with Cowell as the primary supporter. They can go model, or get a MAXIM deal, or go play some more beachball in next to nothing. Shit, at the rate FOX hires mediocre AI contestants for other gigs, they could likely even join Lisa Tucker (yawn) in an episode of "The O.C.: The Cancelled Years". I don't care. But the direction that the show has taken to completely forget the power of true singing talent over what's easy on the eyes is not appreciated. If they can hold a strong tune, then great (e.g. Jenri). But so many of these "cutsies" are getting through because Simon wants to sleep with someone new. This is not what we're paying to see, nor hear.

There seems to be some controversy over my girl who puts 2-ton weights all over her body to drop the 20 pounds she shed this year before walking into idol. Some say "nay".. others "yay. To be honest, I don't care all that much, but once again we see the judges supporting her efforts to kick her own ass for 12 months over another chick with a comparable if not better voice who did the same but was told to stay home. Now SPR (Simon/Paula/The Rand), if you want blondie to move on to the next round because she had a gritty, more original voice, then fine. But if you want her to move on because you could almost see her nether region thanks to the popularity of too-lowcut jeans, that's a different story. Paula even seemed to be getting off on it. Consistency people. Is it in you?

The JT looking guy was adorable - and bore a striking resemblance to one of my exes -- but single-handedly butchered Donny's "A Song For You" and only got goo-goo eyes from the judges once again. "Surprise us", Simon says. Surprise us how? You mean he might surprise you when you realize that he shouldn't be singing R&B songs that are way out of his league? Yeah, maybe that'll surprise you, fool. Awful. Yet, I don't know what offends me more -- the fact that he pretty much sucked at it, or the fact that the judges creamed over it liked they did. Actually, I have to move on from this subject, because it's making me nauseous just remembering. I like him visually and his energy was humble enough, but he, like so many Hollywooders dished out a bowl full of average and the judges somehow expect me to eat it. My God.

On the brighter side, there were some viable singers who came through the doors this week. Never in my life did I think the words "Sundance" and "Head" paired together would be my new favorite phrase, but AI has shown me the way. The aspiring background singer was lovely and refreshingly polished, but her "I'm scurred" thing will get tired real quick. She needs to leave that at the door come Cali time. That said, I did appreciate her lying on national TV about not wanting to kill her lead-vocalist contenders. That was nice. Nice and false. Kinda like Ryan Seacrest's continued efforts to make us believe he's straight. Sweet.

There were other charmers who warmed up a still cool pool of applicants, and several more we have yet to meet until Hollywood time. But, once again, we should stand to see talent in Birmingham next week when AI moves back under the Mason-Dixon. I was happy to see that the Southerners in Memphis once again took it to 'em on Tuesday as far as standouts go thus far. Alabama should be even badder - and by bad I mean good, of course.

All in all, my eyes have indeed seen the coming of the Lord, but my ears are still waiting for Season 6 to deliver the chills. Only Sundance has done that from start to finish 'til now. But with so much chest hair making its way throughout his body, I wonder if the sheer weight of it won't pull him flat on some songs down the road. Guess we'll have to wait and see. Pictures of these past 2 nights will go up soon.. for now, I leave you with dreams of dancing harmonicas in your head. Taylor, I know you're busy being the most famous grey-hair in music right now, but if you can spare a moment to grace your city with some winners next week, we'd really appreciate it. Season 6 is a little sick right now, and it needs to get better ASAP.